Get That Out of My Mouth!

I love root beer, but there are a couple of things that how no place in root beer.
Barq's has bite, but I don't want to eat it, I want to drink it.
-Scratch that, I don't want to drink it. It's got caffeine in it.
I don't want ice in my beer, so therefore I don't want ice in my Root beer.
These thoughts, along with others bring me to one conclusion, there is dire need for a root beer manifesto. And I'm going to write it. This is the introduction, and now come the tenants.

Root Beer Manifesto

1. Root Beer will never have caffeine in it.
2. Root beer will never be served with ice.
3. Root beer must only be alcoholic when labeled "Alcoholic Root Beer"
4. We must never forget, Root Beer is Beer.
5. Root Beer must be enjoyed.
6. The quest to find the best Root Beer is a noble quest.
7. There is no such thing as the best Root Beer, but there may be the best Root Beer of the year, month, week, day, or any fraction of a period less than a year.
8. People who don't love Root Beer are wrong.
9. Root Beer must be considered too sweet by some, and other must not like the licorice taste. If everyone agrees that Root Beer tastes great, they are wrong. It is a taste to be appreciated by an elite minority, and if Root Beer is ever enjoyed by a majority, recipes will be strengthened in potency in order to determine true believers of the one true taste.

* a side note, I got a little crazy there at the end, but I think if a manifesto doesn't call for some sort of social change it didn't really have a point. This manifesto was created by consensus, which means I didn't listen to anybody and just made it up on my own, so go smell fart heaven if you don't agree.

-David Kline (And I would have signed this if it were a piece of paper, so you are welcome to sign it too.)